by R. E. Bearlee
1:::Waiting For An Alibi…
I don’t believe in fate. Things just don’t fall into place. Life is what you make it. That is what I have to believe. If I believed anything else I’m sure I’d be a loser. Gotta grab the bull by the horns and all that nonsense. It started out simple enough. Then it got weird pretty fast. I guess I’ve made my choice already huh? What else?
The day went ok. It was a little sunny . Went to work, then home for dinner. My buddy Galba called while I was in the middle of my salisbury steak. I answered and paused uncomfortably long before saying anything. Not even mush mumbling.
“Tom. How are you? Hello? Is this one of those lame trick voicemails? Hey!” I was chewing at the time. Impatience and suspicion make a very ungrateful mix.
I waited to swallow. I live alone in a shitty apartment. I am very aware of the fact that if I choke on my salisbury steak mush no one will give me the Heimlich. Maybe a neighbor would knock if she heard a loud thud. A big maybe, this is Detroit after all.
“Tom are you wasted? I hear noises you sick fuck. Are you chewing or whacking it? I’m near your place so hurry up.”
“I’m not wasted I was chewing. I was gonna whack it but now you’ve gone and ruined it. How close are you? How are you today?”
“10 minutes. Are you busy tonight?” His voice was animated, low but quick and sharp.
“Nope. See you in a few minutes. I gotta go whack it.”
I remember my place being messy at the time. Not uneaten food sitting out messy; stacks of paper everywhere along with dirty clothes adding texture. I waltzed to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. The same old stubble on the square jaws. Green eyes and thick eyebrows. Warm cream skin with dark traces of hair. I splashed some water on my face and ran my hand through my short black hair. I’ve been keeping it short on the sides and back for a few months now. The top is always kinda swoopy though. Instead of whacking it I threw the clothes in a closet and stashed the empty liquor bottles under the sink. Looking back I’m not sure why I tidied up since Galba lives like a savage.
You know I like opening the door before my visitors get to knock. Even though I heard his boots thump and the rhythmic swish of his wallet chain I still pretended like the feeling to open the door just came to me. I opened the door and there he was. Rufus Galba, 6 feet tall, skinny and brown skinned. Alternative as hell with the leather jackets, aggressive music and alienation. My best friend. He was smiling.
“We’re going out tonight.”
The city was the same as always. A thin trickle of people quickly moving through damp squares of pavement. Little puddles of rainwater that reflect neon lights. People yaking on their phones, Certain people looking around in confusion when they get to a corner, the occasional dirty person walking slowing in circles or spacing out at a bus stop. I’d usually call them bums but that’s mean. If not bums I called them homeless but I realized how do I know if they have homes or not? I’m trying to be a more effective communicator here Laura. When I go back to school I’m majoring in Communications. Be a spokesman or something. I’m sorry spokesperson. Gender neutral language.
So we’re walking through the street on the way to the club. Seeing people with umbrellas reminds me that I never use them. Galba doesn’t like them either. He said so.
“Maybe if I wore suits a lot or something I could see wanting to stay dry. But when I’m in street clothes who gives a fuck? It’s just water. I love the feel of mist on my face too.”
Galba and I were behind a man in a trench coat holding an umbrella. He was walking slowly, like someone really thinking about something.
“Those things sure are a hassle. The umbrella is the first thing you lose. And they all look the same so odds are you aren’t going to get it back.”
“You gotta have a real spiffy umbrella to pick it out of a pile. You know man we should start a business making umbrellas. Ones that stand out. Just some plastic, a bit of metal and mostly fabric right? We could really set ourselves apart. No black, brown, blue or beige. Let’s make one that when you open it there’s a giant eyeball! Wouldn’t lose that one.”
Galba is like that you know. A random idea will come to him that seems pretty good. Like so good if he had the skills and capital it could maybe go somewhere. But they don’t because he doesn’t. Galba is a grill cook at a Coney Island. I used to work there but I quit a few months ago. Wanted to try something else. Just ended up as a cook for a different place a couple blocks over. At least I get paid every week now.
“Tracy’s back to messing around with Brian. She tore up our contract.” Galba said flatly. He spat his lime green gum into the street and grimaced in the mist. Tracy was a love interest for Rufus Galba. He pursued her like a man that really wanted something but he wasn’t ‘boyfriend material’ according to what Tracy told Agnes. He settled on being a plaything. He enjoyed being her plaything for a few months. Now Tracy has rediscovered an old flame and feels it “isn’t fair to Brian” to fuck them both.
“What a bunch of bullshit huh? As long as no one’s getting lied to I don’t care. This is the 21st century right?” Galba was on the verge of whining. When he starts whining I get insensitive. He likes it like that. We’ve been friends long enough I know.
“Man you only got anything because she was bored! She wanted to be wanted. Now she’s found someone she actually wants. Just be glad you got anything at all.” I never get laid. Galba knows this yet he insists on telling me about his flings with dysfunction. His defective dates. I can only be sympathetic for so long. Yes we’re talking about Tracy Gneiss. She’s not that bad shut up.
“Take your crumbs and shut up.” After I blurted that out I felt stupid. For a good minute we didn’t say anything. Just stomped along the cold, cracked sidewalk with a curtain of night above us.
“See that’s your problem man. Our problem. We gotta expect more of these assholes we hang out with. We’re like rats happy with crumbs.”
Galba shouted to no one. I could see our club up the street. I didn’t respond to Galba because I didn’t know what to say.
The club was called Disco 9000. I could hear the industrial music booming and clanking as we walked up to the brick building painted black. You could say it’s not my scene but that ain’t true. Just because I don’t wear makeup and giant boots doesn’t mean I don’t like it. I have fun with those types. Weirdoes don’t usually look at you funny because you’re different. There will be snobs anywhere you go but it seems to be less of them in these spooky clubs. I don’t know.
So anyway Galba talks to the doorman and we get in without paying.
“Tip your bartender.” He mutters as we stroll through the dark inside.
Can you believe they had a black marble dance floor? Of course you can barely see it under the lights. The people dancing on it and hanging around were mostly dressed in black obviously. Lots of fishnet, makeup, studs on jackets and boots. Exploded hair and Mohawks. Bald heads and synthetic dreads; it is funny how those types dress like that to stand out but when they get together they all look the same in their alternative uniforms.
I love the range of people at that club. Mostly young people but more than a few older ones. Some people just like to watch. Or maybe the service is worth it?
I was just hovering around the edge of the dance floor; the flashing red and white lights only making you dizzy if you focus on them. The thumps of the music felt good. That hard techno stuff always gives me mental pictures of steam belching machines, molten metal and sweaty men wearing goggles. Bending nature to man’s will. An industrial romance. Anyway I was liking the music, nodding my head as I looked for a corner to sit in. I heard some howling over mechanic stomping, a pretty shimmering synth melody for a drop of contrast. So I started dancing. A sort of just whatever dance. I was strutting around like a robot, then high stepping like a ghoul and later wiggling around like a….salamander? I don’t know. You know how I dance.
I was dancing by myself, my flapping around had cleared a pretty decent sized space on the dance floor. I don’t know how long I was by myself but around the 3rd or 4th song she started dancing with me. It was crazy to try and see what she looked like under those flashing lights. The lights were quick, it was more darkness than anything.
She was a black woman that was wearing all black, so that would be tough to make out details in any low light. But as I focused and danced with her she seemed pretty. I was bouncing with her and sliding with her while trying to get a good look at her face. I could only make out black lipstick on full lips, eyeliner on round eyes and silver cross earrings on the edges of a round face. She was hot, not hot for a black girl just plain old hot. Her hips were so…I mean the way she danced! Her dress was fluffy and long and I think it was all one piece with a big belt at her waist. You could really see her figure and whoa….her hair? A short fro. No jewelry besides the earrings. What’s the difference between mascara and eyeliner? Oh well I’m not sure I’m pretty sure it was eyeliner. Eitherway she did a nice job with it. She had regular chocolate skin. Not honey or caramel colored and no not really dark. I’m telling you she was beautiful and she danced great. I was reacting to her moves, trying to roll with it and not fall over or something. Felt like she was the one in control and I was just holding on.
She didn’t say anything on the dance floor. There was no point, the music was so loud there was no point. She knew that, so she was just looking at me. These round and open eyes were staring right at me and nothing else. Sometimes she looked like she was about to eat me or something, sometimes she looked at me like I was a cute little thing, like a little kid or a cute bunny. We danced for a while like that. Looking at each and doing whatever as a unit.
Then she slowly walked away from the dance floor. She looked back at me with this inviting stare so of course I followed her. Down the hallway we walked with me trailing behind. I heard a door open and I turned around to be kissed.
She pushed me into the shadows. I felt my back and legs hit a wall of carpet soft and fixed. It was almost totally dark, but I could see the flashing lights behind Violet’s face through slits in a closed door. Was it a closet?
“I like the way you dance. I’m Violet Hegira.”
Out of the black she kissed me. After speaking her first sentence to me I eagerly kissed her back. After dancing for about half an hour here we were in some sort of empty storage closet making out. I needed to stop and make sure this was all real. Shit like that doesn’t happen at random. I pulled away and held her shoulders at arm’s length. I couldn’t see her too well but she seemed slightly annoyed while I just looked at her. I probably had a dumb face on because she giggled after a couple seconds.
“Do you have herpes or AIDS or something and get off on giving it to strangers?” My voice was breathless and weak. I left my beer out there. Galba…I hadn’t thought about him at all since Violet walked up to me. What was he doing while I was in there?
“No! Do you?” Her voice was flat and had a sort of roll to it when she talked…hard to explain. I’ll try to imitate.
“I just felt a connection when we were out there. A real solid one and I went for it. Don’t give me that look. You want it too you sick fuck.” That’s what she said really. Then she laughed. That dark ass closet felt so far away from the flashing, sparkling, thrusting crowd out there. Man this girl was so hot I’m telling you.
“I’m Tom. Thomas Marat. I…uh…like you Violet. I also like to go-”
She plunged in for a kiss and my words slipped into her, giving way to muffled moans. There was space in there, space enough to put our arms around each other and stumble around grabbing at flesh. Don’t know how long we were doing that for but at some point I felt her reaching for my dick. Feeling the front of my pants at first to make sure a cock was in there. I felt my zipper move and I stopped thinking. I’ve never taken my pants off so fast. I dropped them to the cold floor in the dark. I heard more rustling of clothes.
“Don’t tell anyone about this ok? I have my honor to uphold ya know?”
She said in between kisses. She positioned me on a chair or a stair or a shelf or something a few feet off to the side. Didn’t even know that was there.
While this was happening, me fooling around with this strange chocolate woman, fumbling in the shadows while the music boomed and shimmered in the background…I wondered where my friend was. Was he looking for me? Was he worried about me getting into trouble? Would he walk in this closet soon and completely ruin everything?
Violet’s twisting tongue was going deep into my mouth, dissolving thoughts of everything but the heat of the moment. I grabbed a handful of thick curly hair and pulled back. She squealed as I kissed her neck. The deep breathing of our bodies was the beat now, pushing us forward. So much fun.
“Want to go all the way?” She playfully asked as she tugged at my silk boxers. It was great.
As I kissed her neck I tasted coconuts. It made me go slower to really savor it. She had one hand on the back of my head running her fingers through my short hair. It felt good, Violet feeling me up in that closet. Her arms wrapped around me while the music pushed us forward. My mind kept going back and forth between just ‘going with it’ and stopping out of suspicion. I still went for it.
“I don’t know you..” I mumbled into her ear between kisses. She got off and stood up quickly. For a second she just stood there and even though I couldn’t see her face I could tell she was staring hard at mine.
“We’re getting to know each other right now aren’t we?” She cooed, staring down at me in my unbuttoned shirt and throbbing erection.
“Isn’t this a little fast-”
“No it isn’t fast enough Tom. Look we both want it. What’s the big deal? We’re adults here. Why wait…what to be appropriate? We’ve only got now…”
She reached for her waist and a moment later her big pirate belt buckle clanged to the floor. Another rustle of fabric and then panties were in my lap. Soft fabric, as black as the shadows and her dress. She laughed when I grabbed them and put the silk to my face. It was instinct or something. I just had to smell her. It feels weird telling you this stuff Laura cause we used to date. Whatever. A whiff of coconuts and moist ladyparts. I forgot what pussy smelled like. It sent me into a frenzy. I reached out and grabbed her waist, pulling her close to me. More kissing as she got on top of me and suddenly my penis was inside her vagina.
A moan got lost in my throat as she put a finger to my lips. The warm, enclosed feeling seem to sweep over my entire body.
“Shhhh…” She whispered into my ear as she began rolling her hips back and forth. Some sort of chemical carpetbomb went off in my brain. I felt my heart pumping blood through my veins and arteries. I felt the breath going in and out of my lungs. I felt alive and blessed. One hand lost in forest of black curls and the other holding tight to a great ass that was bouncing up and down. Up and down and sometimes back and forth. Diving into a pool of warm humanity. A pool of melted chocolate? I felt so lucky to be in that closet with her instead of out there watching Galba make conversation with strangers.
She was kissing me to the beat by then, slowly and forcefully. I didn’t have a condom and of course by that point I didn’t care. All I could smell was coconuts and sweat. All I could see were shadows and distant flashing lights. The only thing to touch was beautiful flesh that seemed to go on and on.
“I’ve wanted this so bad.” She whispered between kisses. I can’t remember what I said back. She was getting faster with her thrusts and smooches, laying them all over my face, neck and chest. She bit a little too hard a couple of times but I wasn’t going to stop her. It was so hot.
I could feel myself losing control. The eruption was coming…something deep inside welled up in me and filled me with vigor. My jaws were clenched as the pressure rose inside. I closed my eyes. I felt like I was on the verge of exploding into bloody bone and muscle confetti. But that’s normal.
“Yes. Cum inside me.” She moaned as she licked my cheek. That was it. I yelped as suddenly the life force drained out of me. It felt like she pulled part of my soul out of me, from all corners of my feeble human body at once. The tension flew out of me through my penis and into her. I twitched and signed at the power of Violet Hegira. But that’s normal.
“Ooohhh..” I remember saying something like that right after. She chuckled and planted a gentle kiss on my forehead. Then she quickly climbed off me. She stood up and pulled a card from her purse on the floor. She slipped the card into my crumpled jeans.
“That was good.” She smiled big as I weakly nodded. That dance floor in the distance suddenly whooped and hollered as a Lady Gaga song came on. It sounded like ‘Bad Romance’ to me. I felt so tired, drained as I sat on that chair without any bottoms on. It was a good thing.
“My number is on the card. If you want to hang out or something.” She turned to leave the shadow closet with slow graceful steps.
“Don’t tell anyone.” She looked back to say in a serious voice. With that she opened the door and slipped out, leaving me with my blown mind and crumpled clothes.
When I say my mind was blown I’m not kidding. My thoughts were in fragments that I lost track of. The only things that stayed in there were feelings of confusion and gratitude. I wanted to thank her for everything but she was already gone. I looked around the shadows in a daze. Then very suddenly I thought of Galba, my friend I came to the club with. He was still out there. In my sudden anxiety I rushed to throw my clothes on. I accidentally put my boxers on backward and buttoned my shirt up lopsided. I didn’t realize until much later. I inhaled a deep breath and left the closet. I stumbled out and suddenly felt a chill. I was back in the club and Lady Gaga was on. I looked around the hallway like a guilty person. The low chatter from clubbers began to bring me back as I drifted to the dance floor and sort of just shuffled to the rhythm for a while.
Looking around at all the smiling faces gyrating on each other I had to laugh. They were simulating while I had just had the real thing. I began to dance wildly with newfound energy. I felt validated for some reason…a legitimate hot guy that Violet just had to have. We didn’t even know each other I was that hot.
Another song came on and I wasn’t feeling it so I walked to the bar. I got a Miller and plopped on a stool. Then someone to the side of me tapped my shoulder. It was Galba.
“Man where have you been?” I couldn’t find you anywhere! Are you sick? Come on I’ve got some people for you to meet.”
He looked annoyed but I was glad to see him. He stared at my face and then looked me up and down.
“Are you high? Why didn’t you come get me if you were turning up? Jerk. Come on.”
He nudged me off the stool and we began walking to the back of the club, a lounge area with tables and chairs and shit. The music is low over there.
“Whoa. Hold on.” Galba stopped and stared at me with real concern.
“What man? No I’m not fucked up.” I muttered. I was just tired and buzzing.
“Nigga you bleeding! The fuck?!”
He seemed shocked. I mumbled a “what?” and then looked down. My white shirt had splotches of red on the front. Who spilled wine on me?
“What have you been doing?” He was smiling now, as if I had gotten into something really good. Galba gets a kick out of calling non blacks niggers. I don’t get it either.
I looked down again and the splotches didn’t look like wine. I felt something trickle down my neck. I put my hand to the spot and then looked at it. Yes it was blood. I was bleeding my own blood.
“This girl….she-” I began in a sleepy voice.
“Hey don’t have to tell me man. I know how rough the dames can be in this place. Fucking hot huh? Lucky dog.”
My body began to feel heavy. I was dizzy I guess. A slow pull lulling me to close my eyes while the room began to slowly spin.
“I….um…” The lights and music suddenly seemed like too much for me.
So that’s how all this bullshit began Laura. I’m serious it really did happen that way. Don’t give me that look.